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  • Captain Beefheart's Ten Commandments For Guitarists

    1. LISTEN TO THE BIRDS That's where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren't going anywhere.
    2. YOUR GUITAR IS NOT REALLY A GUITAR Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you're good, you'll land a big one.
    3. PRACTICE IN FRONT OF A BUSH Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn't shake, eat another piece of bread.
    4. WALK WITH THE DEVIL Old delta blues players referred to amplifiers as the "devil box." And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you're bringing over from the other side. Electricity attracts demons and devils. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.
    5. IF YOU'RE GUILTY OF THINKING, YOU'RE OUT If your brain is part of the process, you're missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.
    6. NEVER POINT YOUR GUITAR AT ANYONE Your instrument has more power than lightning. Just hit a big chord, then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.
    7. ALWAYS CARRY YOUR CHURCH KEY You must carry your key and use it when called upon. That's your part of the bargain. Like One String Sam. He was a Detroit street musician in the fifties who played a homemade instrument. His song "I Need A Hundred Dollars" is warm pie. Another church key holder is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin' Wolf's guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty making you want to look up her dress to see how he's doing it.
    8. DON'T WIPE THE SWEAT OFF YOUR INSTRUMENT You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.
    9. KEEP YOUR GUITAR IN A DARK PLACE When you're not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don't play your guitar for more than a day, be sure to put a saucer of water in with it.
    10. YOU GOTTA HAVE A HOOD FOR YOUR ENGINE Wear a hat when you play and keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house the hot air can't escape. Even a lima bean has to have a wet paper towel around it to make it grow.
    <div class="signaturecontainer">&quot;the best part is that you are now the center of both a myth and a legend - you're an enigma!&quot; - 78pbass<br />
    <br />
    &quot;You are wise beyond your years, probably quite handsome as well.&quot; - lug<br />
    <br />
    &quot;Ahh, Roger in teh sky rescues us with what I would call The Thinking Man's Post of the Day.&quot; - JacieFB<br />
    <br />
    &quot;you should buy roger in the sky some porkchops&quot; - rikshaw<br />
    <br />
    President: HCBF starving artist club<br />
    Winner: Bonoman post of the day 8-8-03</div>

  • #2
    .........
    <div class="signaturecontainer"><font face="Arial Black"><br />
    Originally Posted by Kindess </font><br />
    <i>There are many reasons to like bassdudeguy (starting with the name), but that hair is my favorite reason.</i><br />
    <br />
    <font face="Arial Black">Originally posted by The Ox</font><br />
    <i>Holy ****************, you're actually correcting someone's spelling! </i><br />
    <font face="Arial Black"><br />
    Originnaly posted by C7</font><br />
    <i>Yo I got NO BEEF with bassdudeguy.<br />
    <br />
    It's because of his hair. Any other guy in my position would be jealous as **************** of that Flowing Mane of Magnitude, but this pimp doesn't seethe with envy on a brother that's in it to win it.</i></div>

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    • #3
      .........


      Haven't listened to too much Beefheart, have you?
      <div class="signaturecontainer">a pet pig slaughtered in a captive hunting preserve by a 13 yo with a giant hand gun. -cthulhu0</div>

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      • #4
        My workplace filters out most entertainment websites - would one of you be kind enough to google "Fripp's rules for Bruford" and post them in this thread?

        They are things like:
        "If you think you should play a fill, don't."

        ______________________________________________

        "Your own limitations render you incapable of realizing that not everyone is as limited as yourself."

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        • #5
          1. Any existing solution to a problem is the wrong one: absolutum, obsoletum;
          2. If you have an idea, don't play it;
          3. When a change in the music needs emphasis, don't play it: the change in the music is emphasis enough;
          4. Don't phrase with any other member of the band unless it's in the part;
          5. Phrasing in the part should include no more than two people;
          6. If the tension in the music needs emphasising, don't. The tension is there because of what you're playing, not what you're about to play;
          7. If you really have to change your part to build tension, don't add -- leave out;
          8. The maximum tension you can add is by stopping completely;
          9. If there is space for a fill which is demanded by the music, don't play it: there are three other people who would like to use the opportunity;
          10. If the part you're playing is boring, stop listening with your head;
          11. If this still bores you, listen to the interaction between all the parts;
          12. If this still bores you, stop playing and wait until you are no longer bored;
          13. Do not be dramatic;
          14. Do not be afraid to repeat yourself;
          15. Do not be afraid to take your time.
          <div class="signaturecontainer">&quot;The United States is in no sense founded upon Christian Doctrine.&quot; - George Washington<br />
          <br />
          &quot;It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God.&quot; - Thomas Jefferson<br />
          <br />
          &quot;The Bible is not my Book and Christianity is not my religion. I could never give assent to the long complicated statements of Christian dogma.&quot; - Abraham Lincoln</div>

          Comment


          • #6
            Who is Captain Beefheart and why does his crappy advice matter to anyone? I see what he was trying to say, but I think he missed to boat...
            <div class="signaturecontainer"><b>Modulus Mob #2</b><br />
            <br />
            <font size="1">GK 2001 RB : Ampeg SVP-Pro : Ampeg SVP-CL : Crest CA4 : GB STL 900 : Mesa Walkabout<br />
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            <br />
            <font size="1">bassgirl9's Wah ha ha! best post of the day award. 2/12/08</font></div>

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            • #7
              This I like not..................
              <div class="signaturecontainer"><img src="http://img3.harmony-central.com/acapella/ubb/Totally_jammin_out.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Jammin'" class="inlineimg" /> &quot;Just as the highest and the lowest notes are equally inaudible, so perhaps, is the greatest sense and the greatest nonsense equally unintelligible. &quot;<br />
              <img src="http://img3.harmony-central.com/acapella/ubb/wave.gif" border="0" alt="" title="wave" class="inlineimg" /> <br />
              <br />
              <br />
              <a href="http://WWW.Barrelbright.com" target="_blank">WWW.Barrelbright.com</a><br />
              <br />
              __________________</div>

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              • #8
                WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!

                Thanks for posting this Roger, it made my day. I'm about to send it off to my guitarist who is a huge Beefheart fan. He'll piss his pants laughing. But then HE gets it.

                Make sure Bnyswonger sees this.
                <div class="signaturecontainer"><font size="2"><br />
                <br />
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                • #9
                  Who is Captain Beefheart and why does his crappy advice matter to anyone? I see what he was trying to say, but I think he missed to boat...

                  nicebigstrings said: WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!

                  Anyone who can come up with a line like "Sam was a showing-scalp flat top, particular about the point it made" is worth knowing about.
                  ______________________________________________

                  "Your own limitations render you incapable of realizing that not everyone is as limited as yourself."

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                  • #10
                    WHO is Captain Beefheart?!! Goddamned kids these days! Come back when you're older!


                    It's a perfectly legit question. After doing some searching, I found out that he played with Zappa. Being a huge Zappa fan, I was a little shocked because I never heard of him before...because I probably own more Zappa than the majority of the people on this forum.

                    If I come back when I'm older, I'm still not going to know who he is. That's why I asked.

                    I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...
                    <div class="signaturecontainer"><b>Modulus Mob #2</b><br />
                    <br />
                    <font size="1">GK 2001 RB : Ampeg SVP-Pro : Ampeg SVP-CL : Crest CA4 : GB STL 900 : Mesa Walkabout<br />
                    Bag End S15D : Bag End S15XD : Aguilar GS112 (2)<br />
                    G&amp;L ASAT : Sadowsky NYC PJ5 : Modulus Q5 : EBMM SR4 : Warwick Thumb 5 BO : Yamaha ATT-LTD II</font><br />
                    <br />
                    <font size="1">bassgirl9's Wah ha ha! best post of the day award. 2/12/08</font></div>

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                    • #11
                      It's a perfectly legit question. After doing some searching, I found out that he played with Zappa. Being a huge Zappa fan, I was a little shocked because I never heard of him before...because I probably own more Zappa than the majority of the people on this forum.

                      If I come back when I'm older, I'm still not going to know who he is. That's why I asked.

                      I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...


                      Definitely check Beefheart out then if you're into Zappa. Beefheart is definitely weirder, and I like him more. I'm not sure their collaborations extended beyond a few songs (Beefheart does the vocals for "Willie the Pimp," the studio version at least) and Zappa producing Trout Mask Replica and maybe some other albums?

                      I'm sure I don't have to say this if you're into Zappa, but give any Beefheart a good bunch of listens before passing judgment.
                      <div class="signaturecontainer">a pet pig slaughtered in a captive hunting preserve by a 13 yo with a giant hand gun. -cthulhu0</div>

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Definitely check Beefheart out then if you're into Zappa. Beefheart is definitely weirder, and I like him more. I'm not sure their collaborations extended beyond a few songs (Beefheart does the vocals for "Willie the Pimp," the studio version at least) and Zappa producing Trout Mask Replica and maybe some other albums?

                        I'm sure I don't have to say this if you're into Zappa, but give any Beefheart a good bunch of listens before passing judgment.


                        I will check him out. Weird is plenty fine with me...
                        <div class="signaturecontainer"><b>Modulus Mob #2</b><br />
                        <br />
                        <font size="1">GK 2001 RB : Ampeg SVP-Pro : Ampeg SVP-CL : Crest CA4 : GB STL 900 : Mesa Walkabout<br />
                        Bag End S15D : Bag End S15XD : Aguilar GS112 (2)<br />
                        G&amp;L ASAT : Sadowsky NYC PJ5 : Modulus Q5 : EBMM SR4 : Warwick Thumb 5 BO : Yamaha ATT-LTD II</font><br />
                        <br />
                        <font size="1">bassgirl9's Wah ha ha! best post of the day award. 2/12/08</font></div>

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                        • #13
                          Just listen to "Trout Mask Replica"
                          <div class="signaturecontainer">The Hammer<br />
                          <br />
                          <font color="Green"><font size="3">My other ride is your honor student.</font></font></div>

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                          • #14
                            OK. We have rules for guitarists and ruls for drummers in a BASS forum. This means we need rules for bassists. Here are a couple; feel free to add.

                            1. No building begins on the 2nd floor. There always is a foundation, something at ground level holding everything else in place. In music, that foundation is YOU. Build a solid bottom for the music.

                            2. Life has rhythm. Day into night, seasons, car motors... Play the rhythm. Even if there's no drummer, a listener should be able to "hear the drums" in your playing.
                            ______________________________________________

                            "Your own limitations render you incapable of realizing that not everyone is as limited as yourself."

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                            • #15


                              I'm not a kid either...but just because you say that it makes you sound like you're 65!!! Old timer...


                              65? Not......quite. But 65 wouldn't be so bad. All those great British rockers like JPJ, Jeff Beck, etc. are geting up there. I should be so lucky .....

                              Beefheart didn't miss a boat .... never ran to catch one. Seriously though, the man is an absolute creative genius who deserved a larger amount of success and in all fairness no-one can be blamed for not knowing about him. Except for rabid Zappa fans
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