Entertainment Health - Relational
By Chris Marion |
Entertainment Health – Relational
Now, I know that you’re about to take a moment to scroll back up to the top of this email to see if you have mistaken Gear Weekly for an email burst from Cosmopolitan Magazine. Relationship advice is not necessarily the status quo for music business publications. But, when the divorce rate for entertainers from musicians to dancers hovers at the astoundingly high rate of 43%, perhaps some relational health improvement is in order. I also shared a proverbial musician joke last week:
“What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?”
…homeless…
Since musicians of all shapes and sizes comprise our readership, as a public service I present 8 “ates” that might improve your odds for a more successful relationship (and not being homeless).
1. Communicate – This “ate” is probably the most important component of any successful relationship. When one member of a relationship travels excessively, it makes good communication even more complicated. However, with smart phones, tablets and mobile communication, keeping in touch is easy. Communication keeps you and your partner on the same page and in sync even when you are separated. Be intentional in prioritizing time for conversation as well as focused conversation without distraction. Make your partner feel like talking to them is your priority.
2. Appreciate – Making your partner feel appreciated seems like a simple task. Often it takes no more than a phone call or a postcard from the town of the day. But it requires deliberate effort with a knowledge of what your partner’s specific love language entails. Take the time and expend the effort to make your partner feel appreciated and valued.
3. Affectionate – This “ate” requires some demonstration. The last thing you might want to do after you did four sets at the VFW the night before is get up early to give your partner some face time and physical touch. Sometimes showing affection requires you to overcome your own self interests or moods to prioritize demonstrable attention for your partner. But, there is no more impacting action in a relationship than showing affection.
4. Delineate – It’s important to draw lines and separate your road life from your home life. When you are out with the guys on the road for a period of time, it’s easy to fall into self-absorbed rhythms and habits only to have to completely readjust when you return home. Your partner is not a band mate and the follow spot is not focused on you when you are in home mode. Be willing to come down off the stage and just be a good and thoughtful partner when you are at home. Not knowing how to turn off the diva is a surefire stumbling block to relationship success.
5. Participate – You might be tired after a gig or distracted during a gig but it’s important to intentionally try to stay connected to what’s going on at home. For instance, every night my daughter had the routine of saying night night prayers. Even when I was on the road, we would try to keep track of bedtime hours and make sure that I participated in this great nightly ritual. It keeps you involved even when you are physically away. It also keeps your investment fresh in the day-to-day relationship components.
6. Intimate – The lack of or the diminishing of intimacy is directly related to many relationship failures. Of course it’s difficult to maintain intimacy when you are frequently absent. It’s also complicated when your return is variable and intermittent. This is another area where you must be deliberate and prioritize time for intimacy with your partner. This might just be as simple as taking the time to hold the person you love upon returning from the gig. Regardless of what the activity it is, be committed to making it genuine and thoughtful, not rushed or contrived. You might be tired or you might feel rushed but take the time to truly enjoy the physical bonding that is such an essential part of relationship.
7. Eliminate – I include this “ate” because it’s important to recognize and eliminate habits or things that threaten your relationship. For example, if it causes your partner angst when you come home after a gig under the influence of alcohol, cut yourself off early or abstain from use when you are headed home after the gig. If your partner places a value on hygiene before you crawl into bed, take time to take a quick shower or lose the smoky costume before you encounter your partner. Making the effort to minimize these habits demonstrates to your partner that the relationship is a priority and that you value their happiness and pleasure.
8. Date – I close with this perhaps obvious “ate” because it can be one of the easiest yet most effective ways to enhance your relationship. Remember how much you both enjoyed the squiring aspect of dating early in your relationship? Taking the time to schedule regular dates with your partner can still be a great relationship enhancement. They don’t all have to be $150 visits to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse – just a little run down for ice cream or brunch at your partner’s favorite café can be a powerful boost to relationship health.
While these 8 “ates” are not the end all list of keys to relationship success, they all are indicative of an intentional approach to keeping your relationship healthy. They require attention! Long after the glow of the spot light has faded, it will be love that keeps you warm. It takes deliberate effort to keep love alive. As always, keep your relationships healthy, my entertainment friends.
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