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Craig’s List - Five Reasons You Need More Gear Now

Because you can never have enough gear ... right? 

 

by Craig Anderton

 

 

1

It’s a foolproof way to test whether you’ve found true love. Pulling out daisy petals one at a time asking “she loves me, she loves me not” is sooo old school. The modern way to find out if someone really loves you is to say “I just spent $1,499 on a LinnStrument 200!” If your potential mate says “Wow, that’s fantastic! Congratulations!!,” run—don’t walk—to the nearest place you can get a marriage license. After you pick up the LinnStrument, of course.

 

2

Buying high-tech gear is great for your taxes. When the big bucks are rolling in from your mind-numbingly huge Spotify royalties, take comfort in the fact that high-tech gear depreciates faster than a Fiat 500L—so only a year after you buy your gear you’ll be able to sell it for pennies on the dollar, and take a nice loss to offset your earnings!

 

3

Your creativity will soar to unimaginable heights of greatness, fueled by brilliance and limited only by your imagination. That’s what the ads say, and everyone knows that companies have entire teams of editors and fact-checkers to ensure their advertisements are always 100% truthful.

 

4

It prevents spending money on drugs. Some musicians (you know who you are) spend money on bad things like drugs. If you spend your money on gear instead...problem solved! You’ll have nothing left to buy drugs. And don’t listen to those nattering nabobs of negativism who point out that music is addictive. Okay, well actually it is. But I’m cool with that.

 

5

You’re supporting your fellow musicians. The companies that make gear are populated almost exclusively by musicians because let’s face it—they can’t get jobs anywhere else. Unless you buy gear, company layoffs mean that little Suzy won’t get her stuffed pony for Christmas, babies will be abandoned on doorsteps because the parents can’t afford daycare, and the fired employees will be forced to take jobs no rational person wants—dog food taster, crash test dummy, Kanye West’s personal assistant, or worst of all—a career in politics. Please, have sympathy for your fellow musicians!

 

___________________________________________

 

Craig Anderton is a Senior Contributing Editor at Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.

 

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ggm1960  |  April 16, 2018 at 10:13 am
I was a bit lax for a while but I'm back out there trying to do my part!
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