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Craig’s List - 5 Symptoms that Your Gear Owns You 

Are you the proud owner of your music gear? Wake up—your gear may own you

 

by Craig Anderton

 

 

 

1. You spend a lot of time on the phone with your Sweetwater sales engineer. As in, a lot. As in, Verizon is offering you attractive incentives to please switch to AT&T. Just a friendly heads-up: your sales engineer is looking into what’s involved in filing a restraining order.

 

2. When your buddy gets all effusive about his cool new GF, you think he means “Gear Fanatic.” Even more sadly, you think the terms “male” and “female” were invented to describe plugs and jacks, not the biological functionality of humanoid bipeds. (And FYI, "strip clubs" are not places were people get together to discuss channel strips.) 

 

3. That Apple Mac IIci in the corner. . .seriously. 80MB hard drive, 25MHz processor, and it accepts only NuBus cards. Honest, you’ll never use it again. But if you really can’t bear to part with of it, then take out the motherboard, and it makes a divine planter! Convicted felon Martha Stewart recommends petunias.

 

4. You have a software update sitting on your computer, but you‘re terrified to install it because what you have works. Show some spine! Don’t let your software boss you around—it’s an update! What could possibly go wrong?

 

5. You really believe that you have to plug in cables in the “right” direction, so that the teeny-tiny little sentient electrons all march together in the same direction, goose-stepping their March of the Milliamps from one plug to another. And you’re really afraid that if you plug it in backwards, you may alter the ytilaer fo cirbaf. I mean, the fabric of reality. Hmmm . . . maybe you’re right.   - HC -

 

 

______________________________________________ 

 

 Craig Anderton is Editorial Director of Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.

 

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JazzMastaJim  |  June 05, 2017 at 9:44 pm
I'm #3 & #4, except:
#3 is a home-built 486/66 PC with a VGA display, 64MB of RAM and 11GB distributed over two (2) hard drives. Who knows? I may need that parallel-cable, 2-port MIDI interface again someday, not to mention the Cakewalk Pro Audio 9 (which I actually got to work on my Win10 notebook, so maybe not so much);
#4 is something that, after many upgrades over many years, I have mostly gotten over. But I definitely obsessively back up everything music-related before any upgrades (which you should do anyway, right?).

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