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Craig’s List

5 Reasons God Must Like Drummers 

 

by Craig Anderton

 

1.   They’re the safest member of the band. When people throw bottles, rotten tomatoes, used condoms, and other tokens of appreciation  at the guitarist and lead singer, the drummer sits safely on a throne (that’s really what they call it), behind impressive fortifications. Bottles have to make it through a bewildering forest of toms, cymbals, and stands before they can hit their target. Safety first!

 

2.   They have nothing to fear from United Airlines baggage handlers. Drummers beat the living crap out of their instruments every day, so having a baggage handler do the same…been there, done that. No big deal.

 

3.   They get so many groupies, the calculator was invented specifically so drummers could keep count.  There’s something about all that physical activity and sweat and stuff…the rhythmic pulsing…moving in and out of the beat…veiled in mystery behind that drum kit...hey, just wondering—does anyone have contact information for Sheila E.?

 

4.   Drummers can get away with anything. Let’s face it, in comparison to John Bonham and Keith Moon, anything you do is going to seem pretty tame by comparison. Yes, even that little stunt you did last week with the pickup truck, Trixie’s mom, Gatorade, four gallons of Crisco, and a complete set of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. 

 

5.   Drummers are the poster children for mental health. Because they hit things all the time, drummers get to work out their aggressions on inanimate objects. Not only is this great news for lead guitarists and singers, but after searching through 100 years of public records, not one serial killer has ever been a drummer. Just sayin.’

 

 

 

______________________________________________ 

 

 Craig Anderton is Editorial Director of Harmony Central. He has played on, mixed, or produced over 20 major label releases (as well as mastered over a hundred tracks for various musicians), and written over a thousand articles for magazines like Guitar Player, Keyboard, Sound on Sound (UK), and Sound + Recording (Germany). He has also lectured on technology and the arts in 38 states, 10 countries, and three languages.

 

 

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dboomer  |  October 19, 2016 at 3:30 pm
All that and you can leave your sticks on the dashboard and park in handicapped zones! ;)
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Idunno  |  October 15, 2016 at 7:56 pm
Okay. I have no use for one but for those who do it's good to know there are fans out there raving them on, or just raving, whichever applies. Nothing like a good rave.
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rogerdeaton  |  October 12, 2016 at 5:44 pm
Oh yes, You are my hero. Never have so few been so misunderstood by so many. Four on the floor is not a stick shift, it's a dance beat. 6/8 is not the same as 3/4, a dotted 8th not swung properly will probably yield a dotted eye. "One" always comes first, at the beginning of the bar, but the bar does not always come first when one is setting up equipment at the beginning. And finally, A pick up note is something guitarist use when they can't tell you where one is and a paid bar tab is not a pick up note, unless you write your room number on it. I understand they are adding GPS to automatic tuners so guitarists can find some one. LOL!!!! I kill me!!! Go Drummers! P.S. still love my music brethren that let us hang out
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thankyou  |  October 10, 2016 at 10:07 am
A good drummer is an amazing specimen of humanity.   Don't know how they do it.  I remember a thread in praise of drummers, saying that because of the complexity of a drum kit, they are usually the first to set up and sound check.  OTOH, the author had little patience for vocalists, who only had a microphone to set up, but seem to always be the last one ready, even though somebody else had already put the PA together.
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